3. “Good!”
I hope you all had the chance to say that a few times. This is especially for those parents for whom saying ‘Good’ and praising and rewarding your child doesn’t come naturally, for whatever reasons.
Some parents feel that it spoils the child, some feel that it’s lowering my standard (“How can this be good – it’s something so simple, it’s not rocket science), some parents say I don’t want my child to be dependent on these rewards.
Sometimes this issue is not about the child, it’s about the parent, who may be the type who’s very hard on themselves too. Let me give you two main reasons why I think praising is indispensable (if praising is ever banned, I’ll be out of a job) – the choice is yours:
– It is meant to be a clear feedback to the child, especially in therapy, when the child is learning a new skill (learning to combine words, learning how to say ‘s’ correctly, learning how to speak fluently).
Can you imagine yourself learning a new skill without any feedback? Say you’re learning a new language Finnish from Finland. If I give you all the Finnish tapes you need, even your own Finnish teacher but she never gives you any feedback when you are trying to speak Finnish – I don’t think you’re going to be very confident about speaking the language.
When you were doing the exercise just now, when you hear “Good!” you knew that that round you did it correctly. You don’t have part of your mind wondering was that correct, and you can focus better on how you can play another round correctly and hear “Good!” again.
When you are focussed on praising, you’ll have less of “don’t this”, “don’t that”. The pattern is more of; do this, “good!” then do this, “good!” You and your child will both be focussed on what to do and how to do it, rather than what not to do.
– On a practical note, praising is useful because if you want your child to remember doing something, if you want that connection to be imprinted in the brain, scientifically speaking, emotional satisfaction that the child gets from your praise and from achieving something is like a ‘nerve glue’, very powerful in ensuring that the nerve connection stays.
You can think of it as a tool to use. Sometimes when a child is having difficulty saying the ‘k’ or the ‘g’ sound because the tongue is not far back enough, I ask them to put their finger in their mouth.
Obviously, I’m not going to leave the child having to put his finger in his mouth everytime he needs to say a word with ‘k’ or ‘g’. This is just a strategy that I will wean the child off gradually. (Good! Now, let’s try the same sound without your finger,’k’)
In the same way too, until the child gets so good that communication, expressing himself is its own reward and he gets his emotional satisfaction by himself, your praise may be a useful strategy to help him get to that stage more quickly.
Last but not least, praising your child and doing it sincerely should be something that in and of itself, bring you joy. We all like working with people who appreciate us and are nice to us, don’t we?
4. Wait.
I asked you to incorporate that word in that exercise just now so that hopefully it will be a word you will remember. This is a word to say to yourself and just as useful as anything you say to your child. There are times not to wait and there are times to wait. It’s useful sometimes to wait when:
– you would like your child to take the initiative, for children who are not speaking very much. Imagine two different scenarios. I deliberately put the shoes on the wrong way for the child, then I wait. I allow the child to take in the situation, and see what he will do about it.
The child gets a chance to learn to communicate an idea, whether it’s “uh-uh’ or “no” which you can then respond to. You can demonstrate an example of what he could have said, something simple like “oh, shoes” or something more complex “oops, sorry, Mommy put shoes on the wrong way, left shoe on your right foot and right shoe on your left foot, let’s change?”
Compare this to a scenario where you don’t wait, you just go straight on to take the shoes off and your child wouldn’t need to say anything. Other examples. For older children, say if they tell you something.
Sometimes you encourage independent and creative thinking if you just repeat what they say and wait. Your child says, “Jeremy is going to ask his Daddy to take him to Disneyland.”
One scenario is that you just react and jump in, “Disneyland?! You’d better not get any funny ideas…” A different scenario could be you just reflect back to him, “Oh, Jeremy is going to ask his Daddy to take him to Disneyland?” wait. If you did this, he is the one who is likely to say something next, and he will be expressing his ideas. You can then have a conversation.
5. Having conversations with your child
No matter how simple or complex it is, this remains one of the most important things you can do to help your child improve his communication skills. It cannot be replaced by one-sided input like computer programmes or TV.
I have set out to share some information and to give you some practical experience. They are two different things. I can read and attend talks and find out information about say, benefits of doing yoga. I could even ask my friends to do it and tell me about it.
It will not be the same as actually attending a yoga lesson myself, actually making the effort, trying something new and experiencing it for myself. Even after that, it is still up to me to continue. It’s the same with what you’ve done today.
I hope you’ve learnt something you can apply or adapt with your child. My parting note: “Be flexible and have fun, that’s how speech practice is done!”
The article above is a transcript (part II – final part) of a talk given at a Parent Workshop by Ms. Magan Chen.
Our Contributor
The author, Ms Magan Chen brings with her more than 24 years of speech and language therapy experience in both private hospital and enrichment centre settings. This gives us exceptional understanding of our clients’ medical and/or school needs.
She has helped more than 1500 individuals to overcome their communication or learning difficulties.
Ms. Magan Chen trained in London, U.K. (M.Sc. Human Communication) and Sydney, Australia (B. App. Sc. in Speech Pathology).
Magan is a registered Certified Practising Speech Language Pathologist (CPSP) with the Speech Pathology Australia.
She is also the founding President and a registered member of Speech-Language and Hearing Association Singapore (SHAS, the professional body representing Speech Language Therapists in Singapore.
Magan has been interviewed and featured in various newspapers and magazines such as Young Parents Magazine, The Straits Times & The New Paper.
Together with Magan, our team of competent and caring speech language therapists and teachers help hundreds of individuals improve their ability to communicate and have more say in life.
If you would like to see a highly experienced speech language therapist / pathologist for an initial consultation, please call us at (65) 6223-7876.
Please feel free to browse around our website to check out our programs or other Speech therapy related information.